Ok, that’s not entirely true. I do like them and that is often the problem. And because boys cause problems they are stupid.
This week I’ve turned into a 12 year old girl. You would think my bedroom was covered in pink shag carpeting and I had my own phone in my room that I talked to my girlfriends for hours on, discussing if we should go to the mall on Saturday amidst gushing about the way Billy smiled at me in home room. Alas, I am 22, and my behavior is scary and sickening.
I wasn’t boy crazy in elementary school, or in middle school. And in high school I was far too self centered and goal oriented to care about dating. Ok, maybe I am lying a little. It was different because I had crushes on guys I was friends with. Whatever, the point is: I didn’t do this when it was socially acceptable for my age group
and now is not the time for this either. I am in way over my head. I’ve been learning to live with the giddiness and embracing the rush that comes with having a new crush, but dear lord, it is frustrating.
I feel as though everything I know and all my instincts go out the window. Ladies, how do you all do this? Because I need some tips. Do
I match his flirty energy? When do I pull it back and lay low? What does it mean If he is overly flirty and chatty one day and then off standish the next? When is a group hang appropriate oppose to asking him out on a date? Can I avoid all this and send him a note with little boxes that say ‘do you like me? Check yes or no’
DEAR GOD THIS IS HORRIBLE. WHEN DID THEY STOP HAVING COOTIES?
"You know what I hate? When my boyfriend and I are walking State Street in November, starting Christmas shopping but really just going to see the Macy’s window displays, and the Walnut Room, and we’re holding hands but we are not really touching. And I’m not needy or clingy, I just want to really be touching him. All the time. Especially when it’s cold, but then my stupid mittens get in the way. Its time like these where I reaaallllyyy wish we had this thing, that like, kept us both warm and let our fingers be interlocked at all times so it looked like we were conjoined twins." SAID NOBODY EVER.
At least that’s what I thought, until I happened across ‘Smittens’, mittens built for two. Yep, you heard that right. They are a shared mitten for ‘friends and lovers’ boasting the tagline “Hold Hands. Stay Warm. Love.”
Here’s a picture so you get the idea:
Apparently ‘Smittens’ aren’t a new thing as they have been around since 2003 and featured in the Tribune, on the Today show and Ellen. The little nook of a store I found them in had them retailing for about $45…$39 on sale. Just so you get the full effect, ‘Smittens’ are made out of fleece. They also have multiple styles, in case you and your partner don’t like the basic style you could get them with a cuff, or a blanket stitch, or even with a little heart on them.
Don’t get me wrong, I love holding hands. I think its is sweet and simplistic and this element of innoncence that us 20-somethings so often lose. There is an amazing rush of adrenaline the first time you hold someone’s hand. I love that feeling of butterflies, of not knowing who is going to make the first move, of not knowing what will happen next. I like to feel in control, but with that first time you hold hands, you can feel so caught up and out of control. And even I like it because more often than not, it shows that with that person, I feel secure. On another note, I think it is a lovely, discreet form of PDA compared to the ‘let me suck your face on this redline’ I so often see.
I just don’t know why people need matching mittens. Especially matching mittens that allow people to hold hands the whole time we are out and about. Look, the name is cute and punny, so is the logo, and apparently the idea is marketable. But I just don’t don’t get it, other that it being for the sake of novelty. In which case, is anyone paying an average of $40+ for the novelty of plain, fleece mittens offered in only 3 colors? Please, check this out all you want: http://www.smittens.biz/
I’m not smitten with the ‘Smitten’; they seem a little bit ridiculous, and a whole lotta bit co-dependent. I see them as this new flashy form of PDA that scream “LOOK AT US WE ARE CUTE AND HOLDING HANDS AND ARE WARM!!!!” And it is anything but necessay.
I’m honestly wondering what couple uses these. Am I, the hopeess romantic of this blog, too cynical for the ‘smitten’? Is there anyone out there that has used these, seen them used, or that now wants a pair? Better question, is there any couple that can actually pull these off without making other passerbys want to gag and publically shame them?
I don’t even think Vi and Zach can rock these…which is saying a lot because apparently she can make even a hoody footy snugglesuit look sexy.
I was listening to (what we aspire to be our male counterparts) over at The Guy Friends Podcast in their post regarding Ass v. Boob Men. Towards the end, the question was posed to lady listeners regarding why women love men’s asses. Of course I had to answer this for myself: why do I like a man’s backside? The thing is, I’m particular and like them, your calves, and your arms to be toned. I don’t want them to be bulging and full of muscle. I want it to be slight and almost unnoticable. Infact, I started thinking about the few times I’ve ever been inclined to say ‘dat ass’…and here’s what it comes down to: they were in a suit. Or the occasional pair of jeans but that’s the expection that proves the rule. I like to think of this in the same way both ass and boob men go crazy for a woman in the classic jeans and white tee shirt combo. Some clothes compliment features of the opposite sex.
So here it is, the reasons all men should take the advice of the Broda, Barney Stinson and the Top 5 Reasons I Love (and Lust after a man in) a Well-Tailored Suit:
Class. I love a gentleman, and the suit has become a symbol of the everyday gentleman. I’m not saying that just because you’re in a suit I’m not gonna think you’re an ass if you do something douchey, but I will say that I’ll be less inclined to do so, because at least your suit shows that you’re an ass with a little class.
Confidence. It’s sexy; it’s sexy to men and it’s sexy to women. Confidence shows security. Let’s be clear that this doesn’t have to be financial security (even though it’s really nice), but emotional too. I want to know that if my boss yelled at me that you can put your crisp cotton covered arm around me and tell me everything is going to be ok. Simply put: a man in a suit eludes confidence. It tells a woman that he is confident and secure himself and his life, and that tells me he is ready to share himself and his life with a woman.
Fantasy. Costumes are a huge part of a fantasy. A man’s Star Wars fantasy isn’t complete without the Leia braids, and the An Office and a Gentleman fantasy isn’t the same without a uniform. I’m a lady who fantasizes about the likes of Roman Holiday and An Affair to Remember. I want my boyfriend to show me that he can be my leading man, my Gregory Peck or my Cary Grant.
Functional. I’m a lady who likes functional things. I’m a busy gal, and I’m on the go. When I’m shopping, I’m drawn to things that can go from day to night because that’s what fits my lifestyle. A suit is the ultimate day to night look. You can look dapper like Draper in the office, but lose the blazer and loosen the tie when you loosen up at the bar after work and still look damn good.
Fit. It’s all about the fit. If it doesn’t look like it is cut for you, then it isn’t cutting it. I’m not going to a buy a top, no matter how much I like it, if I can’t fill it out, and you shouldn’t buy a suit if you can’t fill it out. It’s simple: invest in a well-tailored suit. Let the baggy tees lay to rest or wear them when you are having a day of rest…at home. A suit can really be a blank canvas, you can have your staple black, navy, charcoal and then you can choose your look with a colored shirt or a sleek patterned tie. Feeling bold? Do both. Or maybe mix it up with a skinny tie. And as a last note, please, please, please, consider your thread count, because if I start thinking about the thread count you’re wearing, than I might think about about feeling the thread count covering your mattress. And who doesn’t love a line like that?
There it is: the secret to the lady boner.
To both the ladies and the gentlemen, I would like to suggest for your further education and viewing pleasure, a documentary: Jack Taylor Of Beverly Hills. If you are a fan of the suit, or a wearer of suits, then you should know and might take an interest in how the suit came to be the iconic wardrobe staple it is today- it all started with Jack Taylor, tailor to Hollywood. He’s an adorable, fiesty little old man Italian man with a lot of heart, sass, respect and clients. He dressed Sinatra and he dresses Jason Schwartzman, basically enough said.
Ladies, I suggest you read, print a few copies, and whip this bad boy out on the next first date.
Which hopefully means a relationship?
Truth is, I don’t care what this summer brings as long as it includes:
Adler After Dark. Cosmos while having cosmos? SIGN.ME.UP. Every third Thursday of the month.
Cocktails on the beach. Cheers to my whino of an aunt that lives on the shore for teaching me how to conceal drinks at the ripe young age of 15. Also, I am an Equal Opportunity Drinker. Meaning I don’t discriminate when it comes to where I have a libation. I will drink them in a box. (I might even drink them from a box…lookinatchu Franzia) I will drink them with a fox.
Chicago Air and Water Show. Could I be any more toursity by wanting to do this? I’ve been out of town in the past. Which wasn’t the worst decison ever. But this year I’m doing it. If only to say I’ve done it once.
Forever Yogurt. I don’t care what anyone says, this is the best fro yo in the city. Sometimes I like to skip a meal and just eat fro yo. Shit Single Girls Say.
Market Days. I have not missed one yet. And have you all seen that line-up? I don’t care if you are lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer, or an ally, that line-up is golden.
Movies in the Park. I’ve missed this several summers and it will be happening. Actually, just movies. Because SPIDERMAN and DARK KNIGHT RISES. These both deserved caps lock.
Summer Nails. And plenty of it! I tend to opt for a nude on my nails and the brighter the better on my toes. I am currently wearing Essie’s e-nuf is e-nuf. Next will be Essie’s Turquoise and Caicos. My other go-tos for summer are OPI’s Red Hot Ayers Rock (Australia), and On Collins Ave (South Beach). If you don’t know a nude that fits your skintone and preferences, I suggest you do that this summer.
Roscoe Village Burger Fest. Every year I say I’m gonna go. And then I don’t. And I really should because this oughta be a mecca for straight men. And I enjoy a good burger. Side Note: Gin Blossoms played 2 years back and then the lineup went to hell.
Roy Lichtenstein: A Retrospective. If you like art, and you like pop art then you should go. Hell if you like awesome things you should go because this is going to be awesome.
Trivia. I’m pretty fucking competitive. And there’s thousands of places in the city and I can’t wait to get a team and dominate. Get at me if you ave a suggestion of where to play.
So there it is, my first post back to the blogosphere and my top ten picks for Summer 2012. Y’all ready? It can only get better from here. Trust me.
We’re loving The Guy Friends as ALMOST our male counter-parts…only they do a regular podcast and we occasionally update a slowly dying blog. Apologies, compadres, hopefully we find time to pick-up the slack soon.
In the mean time, enjoy The Guy Friends and make them your guy friends.
Be warned: we make no apologies on behalf of Science. If any BFs of GFs out there are worried about their low…
In the mix of all the temperamental weather we’ve been having lately, a friend of mine and I decided to hit up a favorite little breakfast in Lincoln Park. Over coffee and pastries we indulged in some much needed girl talk. We shared some gossip of mutual friends and she shares that after meeting me she was on her way to in afternoon swim in the dating pool. We began talking about all things first dates: ideals, horror stories, and musing what would come of this potential candidate.
Personally I’ve come to the conclusion that first dates are simply in two categories: perfect on paper, or perfectly awkward. As we discussed her date’s qualifications, it was very clear he fit into the latter and she had doubts. There were so many reasons, but one stuck out. It was then that I heard something so insightful that I never really heard before.
"There’s just some neighborhoods I can’t date.”
As simple as it is, it really sums up the Chicago dating experience, does it not? There are so many neighborhoods in this city, and so many reasons why some just don’t fit.
We all have neighborhoods we love. They are little pockets of apartments, parks, and people that we connect with. When a lease is up and the first of the month rolls around, it is the first criteria we use to weed out places. Each neighborhood and community has its reputation that defines the area and it’s inhabitants.
Sometimes we grow out if it and grow into Uptown, and Armitage isn’t worth an arm and a leg anymore. Cheap rent may take us to the Blue Line, and a new job to the Purple Line, and we adapt.
Maybe that first date that was perfect on paper and in person, and that’s the point when we stop looking or studios and look for 1 bedrooms to share…off the Brown Line, because it’s quiet and that person is quite right, even if the neighboorhood isn’t. But that’s sacrifice, and at 22, how many of us are really making that sacrifice?
I’m not. So until then, I’ll stay where I am. Using the CTA for the same three lines and you won’t find me on the Pink Line or the Green for that matter.