Are You There, Chicago? It's Me, Single

Neither Holly nor I expected much out of this whole okcupid world.  Okay, to be fair I think we both expected much entertainment at the expense of those who were members of an online dating site, but in order for our endeavor to be slightly successful, we had to shed those judgments, accept that we too were now members of an online dating site, and dive in.

And well, being judgment free was a little difficult.  However, I was not judging the people so much as the things they put on their profile.  For anyone male or female interested in trying out the okcupid world I can assure you that there are plenty of perfectly normal individuals on the site.  It doesn’t take great pain to find them either.  In any case, the ones that aren’t perfectly normal are highly entertaining.  First off, people need to stop including sentiments that make them obviously bitter about their last relationship.  Already a red flag.  Preaching won’t help your case either but I guess you have to be honest about who you are, so thanks for the warning not to reply/contact you.

Now I’m not saying this stands for every girl, since one gent I was talking to told me how a girl he met on the site immediately told him a story about giving a blow job to get out of a speeding ticket (I can’t even cry to get out of a speeding ticket), but I do know its an immediate rejection for me if you have “casual sex” listed under what you are looking for.  Also if you go into great detail about your sex life under the heading “things i’m good at”.

Yeah, there are some real winners on that site.

I was told by Holly this morning, while she was enjoying a jaunt through the catacombs of okcupid’s suggested matches, about some intriguing screennames she wants to message just because of the extreme vapidity of the names.  I responded with a fun fact of how boys are particularly crazy this weekend/morning as I checked my messages for the first time in a few days only to find a handful of phone numbers…Holly immediately told me I needed to get off the site.  Gentlemen, I don’t think that after 1 response from me you can really drop your digits…that does not paint you in a good light. (must boys find mates before thanksgiving? is there some animal law driving them to have a mate for whom to gather food?)

I do feel sorry for the poor suitors who had the misfortune of engaging both me and a few of my friends in conversation.  They have no idea they are simultaneously hitting on a trio of close friends, two of whom live together.

But in all fairness, I’m not hating on okcupid.  I have had a few conversations that haven’t held some underlying feeling of my impending doom and have actually, God forbid, taken the leap into meeting a certain individual with whom I’d conversed with.  How did he win my acceptance of his invite?  Easy, he was not creepy aggressive, didn’t directly objectify me from my pictures and tell me everything he wants to do to me (classy boys, classy), was capable of holding a conversation, didn’t give me his number/ask me out in one of his first messages to me, was equally apprehensive about the whole okcupid fandago as I am, and…well basic manners and charm can get you pretty far in the world. 

I have to say, I almost didn’t make the requested appearance, but I’m glad I did.  Not only was I shocked/impressed, I’m also not dead in a ditch and, at the very least, have made a new friend methinks…so we all win right? (this just in, this perfectly not-crazy gent has just now made an appearance on Holly’s matches, not as strong of a match though, oh dear, this site is endless annoyance and entertainment)

On that note, I still feel like I’m leading half the internet on, please stop dropping your digits on me at will, Sean is not looking at my ass in that picture, no I don’t want to know what you are wearing, and this gem will be deleted as soon as I hit my two weeks.  Holly and I must really be two of the only sane females on this site to be getting such shenanigans.

God help us,
Viola

P.S. …in the meantime, Hol had a teeshirt back in her young teens that said “I think I could fall in like with you”…I may be falling victim to that phenomena presently and I don’t know how I feel about it. S.O.S.