Are You There, Chicago? It's Me, Single

I’m not religious, and so I’ve never been to confesisonal but I do know the purpose of the act. So here I am, confessing to all those tumbl’n. Forgive me followers, for I have sinned: I have lied…about being back on OkCupid. 

It’s been a while, a long while really, but in my defense I have been far from active. That was until last month, and then again, just now. I have a really good reason as to how this all happened. 

It started one night in June. I had been working like a madwoman, all my friends were away, and so I was having one of my getting wine drunk alone in my room nights. After B rated romantic comedies from the Redbox I started feeling depressed and then drank a glass more and started to feel really great about how well I;ve been doing the past few months. I started toasting myself to how well I had ‘moved on’. I’d celebrate by putting myself back on the market: via the damn site. This was all a facade, not a total facade, but in retrospect, me reactivating on OkCupid to prove something to myself was a cry for help, and one that my buddy 2 buck Chuck (trader joe’s, y’all) wasn’t hearing. 

Anyways, I immediately lost my password and because I was tipsy when I created it had no clue what it was. Last month I was reminded of this rdiciulous night by an OKC email notification. I retrieved my password and planned to deactivate…again. I began deleting all the really creepy messages from gross guys that do not actually live in Chicago and are trying too hard. As I scrolled up I found the most recent message, which wasn’t even recent. A super casual and friendly message from a guy that just seemed…nice. A good look at his profile later, I thought that I surely had missed the boat. I contemplated and realized that whether or not it leads anywhere, who says you can’t find friends on OkCupid? (watch that question lead to a post) So I messaged him back and apologized but I had lost my password but should he still be interested in chatting, I was. So I checked a day later: nothing, and then a week later: nothing. And I was ok about it. 

 Here we are now, a good month or so later and at 2:08am, I went to delete my OkCupid account…again. And yet again I found myself in the same situation. Several messages from creeps and one rather friendly message from the same guy as before. It’s late, or early, like 3:04am early; I have no idea what I’m doing. I know that I’m in a much better place that I was in February, or June, or even this past Wednesday. I have soberly decided upon my actions. I’ve relunctantly dipped my foot in the water now, typically I’d say let’s see how long it takes before I’m toweling off or swimming, however, I think I need to wade in the shallow end a bit. No floaties attached. 

So delirious I’m using a swimming analogy, 

H.